i have heard this a lot with downright cruelty or bullying. i’ve talked to someone and they have said “they could just be having a bad day!!”
you may think you’re helping if you say this, but it doesn’t help in my opinion.
I find the most straightforward response is, “would you do/say that when you’re having a bad day? Because I don’t think I would”
What if all days are bad and it becomes impossible to differentiate?
“Well in that case, he needs to learn better coping skills.”
The state of your mental health is not necessarily your fault, but it is your responsibility. It’s ok to be having a bad day, week, or year but it’s not ok to hurt other people because of that.
At my absolute worst, on the worst possible day, I always start by apologizing for being frustrated.
Maybe they’re just an asshole.
“they could just be having a bad day!!”
It doesn’t give them the right to make sure I do too.
That’s what I tell myself every time I see someone misbehaving. I don’t believe in free will the way most people do, so assigning blame to the individual doesn’t really make sense to me. I basically see people like that as malfunctioning robots. I might not want to be around them, but I’m not blaming them for what they are - because I don’t think they could’ve been otherwise. We’re all slaves to our genes and environment. If I were in their shoes, I’d act the same way. I don’t blame bears for being dangerous either - I just try to stay away from them.
“So could I. Worst case, they are the last straw, pushing me do something that can never be taken back.”
I think it’s true, but it’s definitely not helpful in the moment. You can treat someone who isn’t nice with a baseline amount of respect, but if their behaviour is bad out doesn’t always matter how their day is going, the outcome can be the same
